Editors, writers, and everyone else in the publishing business share one vital trait: a love of books and reading. Today, I’m going to break out one of my favourite books, Persuasion, to explore how Jane Austen uses grammar and sentence structure to perfectly characterize Sir Walter Elliot on the first page of the book (and how you can do this, too!).
Anyone who has read Persuasion knows that the first sentence is a doozy. It’s almost a full paragraph long, and is a rambling, circular, sesquipedalian (a big word for the overuse of big words) headache. It is a sentence that makes many people despair of Austen altogether and never make it past the first page.
Here’s the thing, though: That’s the point. Take a look at the sentence, in all its glory, and then join me for a close reading of how that sentence does exactly what Austen wanted it to.
Sir Walter Elliot, of Kellynch Hall, in Somerset, was a man who, for his own amusement, never took up any book but the Baronetage; there he found occupation for an idle hour, and consolation in a distressed one; there his faculties were roused into admiration and respect, by contemplating the limited remnant of the earliest patents; there any unwelcome sensations, arising from domestic affairs, changed naturally into pity and contempt as he turned over the almost endless creations of the last century; and there, if every other leaf were powerless, he could read his own history with an interest which never failed.
– Jane Austen, Persuasion (1818)
Punctuation as characterization?
This sentence contains no fewer than four semicolons. It has eleven commas. This is excessive even for the early nineteenth century, which we all know can get a little comma-happy. Jane Austen liked commas as much as any other self-respecting Regency writer, but no other sentence in any of her books comes close to this one.
The first sentence of Persuasion could easily have been four sentences and not have changed meaning at all. But consider the kind of person who would string four sentences together with four semicolons and eleven commas. Does a boring, snobbish soliloquist come to mind, perhaps someone who might regale you for hours with his aristocratic family history?
Someone like… Sir Walter Elliot?
Word choice conveys character.
The lovely thing about Jane Austen is that her books are not difficult for modern readers to work through, once we get used to the slightly different cadence and a few more commas. She doesn’t use overly complicated words; she doesn’t set out to frustrate or confuse her readers. (Looking at you, Modernists.)
So what is “limited remnant of the earliest patents” achieving here?
By using longer, unnecessarily befuddling word choice, Austen introduces us to a character who pedantically tries to emphasize his own grandeur through words, appearance, and actions.
Sure, Austen could just tell us that Sir Walter is a stuck-up prig, but her approach to characterization means we absorb this on our own, in the very first sentence of the book.
Tone informs personality.
When reading the sentence in question, did your eyes initially glaze over? Did you skim to the end to get past this never-ending description of a dreadfully boring man? Imagine how it would feel talking to this man. Austen’s tone in describing Sir Walter’s love of the Baronetage tells you everything you need to know about him.
If you go back and read more carefully, she’s really making fun of him in a delightfully witty way. This is a man whose “consolation in a distressed [hour]” is to read over his family’s aristocratic lineage. This is a man so self-centred that “he could read his own history with an interest which never failed.”
Jane Austen, Queen of Snark
Austen has been condemned as boring by many of the great writers of history. Mark Twain, Virginia Woolf, and Charlotte Brontë all thought she was stodgy, old-fashioned, and small-minded.
But here’s a writer who, in one deliciously snarky sentence, can tell you everything you ever need to know about a man. Here’s a writer who uses intentionally soporific writing to condemn and laugh at her character. Here is a writer whose critique on aristocracy, present throughout the book from start to finish (where she ends by writing that Anne, in stark contrast to her father, “gloried in being a sailor’s wife”), begins on the very first line.
Characterization happens in many ways.
As you write, consider how you can incorporate characterization into every aspect of your your text. Consider how altering your sentence length or word choice can change how a reader views your character.
Do you have a character who goes back and forth when considering things, or who can’t ever quite stick to a decision? Try using semicolons or longer sentences when writing about that character, and now his personality comes through in the tone of the writing, in addition to the content.
Does your character make snap judgments and quick decisions? When writing about her, use short sentences. Use dashes and banish the semicolon.
When writing a child, would you use words like “faculties,” “roused,” or “admiration”? Not if you wanted your reader to picture a child when reading your description! Word choice and sentence structure are just as important to revealing character as dialogue, description, and action.
Get in touch!
Could your characters’ personalities shine through more convincingly by working on your tone, word choice, and sentence structure? Get in touch today and together we’ll strengthen your characterization and make Jane Austen proud.
Molly Rookwood is an editor, reader, tea drinker, and cat mum in Halifax, Nova Scotia. She loves Jane Austen and epic fantasy, and her bookshelves are forever overburdened. When she’s not playing D&D or taking turns about the room, she can be reached at [email protected] or by following @RookwoodEditing on Twitter.