No Swords, No Flowers: Anatomy and Sex Scenes

We’ve all encountered it, the (not so) elegant attempts to cloak anatomical terms in metaphor during steamy sex scenes. The sword and sheath, the tower in the valley. Sometimes they’re intentionally ridiculous—think My Lady’s Choosing: An Interactive Romance Novel, which was too cringey for me—but more often, I think, they are unintentionally ridiculous, or, too frequently, unintentionally doing harm.

Maybe this is obvious, but I find that romance novels have, in generally, much less cringey sex scenes than other books. Sex scenes in literary fiction often try to be more literary, more metaphorical, than they need to be, and this, for me, often ruins the scene.

(For anyone looking for a laugh, the Literary Review magazine has a yearly “Bad Sex Award” for the worst and weirdest sex scenes published each year. They’re usually lit-fic, and they’re always appalling.)

In the best romance novels I’ve read, the terms used for the character’s anatomy are understated. The terms are not the point, which allows the interactions and the emotions to take centre stage. Like with speech tags, when you spend too much time coming up with creative terminology, you distract the reader from what you actually should be focusing on.

What is the purpose of the sex scene?

Depending on your story and genre, sex scenes serve different purposes. In an erotica novel, sex is often just sex. It’s something the characters want to do, and they find pleasure and relief through it. In a romance novel, sex is used to progress a relationship and develop the characters. 

In other genres, sex scenes should be used sparingly. The fade-to-black approach is a great solution in most cases if the specifics of sex are less important than the fact that sex happens. 

Consider why the sex scene is necessary for your story—is it to resolve tension between two (or more) characters? Does conflict get worked through in the sex scene, thus making the details important, or are the details superfluous to the plot progression? Is the sex scene just to spice things up? 

Once you figure out the purpose behind your sex scene, you can determine how much of it needs to happen on the page. Your sex scene should never exceed your own comfort—if you aren’t comfortable putting a penis in your book, you don’t have to! Fade to black is a great option, and it’s way better to choose that than to write a scene you’re uncomfortable with it, because readers will be able to tell.

How does your character think about the parts in question?

Unless you’re writing in omniscient narration, your scene is taking place from a specific character’s perspective. When deciding how to refer to different body parts, think about how the narrating character would describe them.

Does your character think of his penis as a sword? A tower? Probably (hopefully) not. Does he think of his partner’s vagina as a sheath or a valley or a delicate flower? Again, probably (hopefully) not.

The sex scene should be from your character’s point of view, not an absent lyricist narrator. The closer you stick to your character’s perspective and internal voice, the closer you will stay to the feelings and emotions that make the scene important. It’s hard to get emotional and meaningful when we’re talking about swords and sheathes.

Maybe, if you use dual perspective, they think of the terms differently. Maybe one character’s section uses “pussy” and one uses “cunt.” (Hopefully nobody out there is using “hoo-ha.”) Often in romance novels, sex scenes stretch between chapters for this very reason—so we get to see the interaction and emotion from both characters’ perspectives. Using different terminology can be a good way to signal how the characters view themselves and their body parts, but make sure that both characters are using terminology that makes sense.

Leave behind all metaphors of conquest and conquering.

Sexual metaphors, in my experience, often have connotations of battle or conquest. Swords, spears, towers—all of them put the person with the penis in a conquering position. And that’s pretty problematic, when you think about it.

Bodice-rippers had their day, but in modern romance novels, where women are able to show desire without it having to be consensually forced, we want to leave the idea of conquest behind.

Nobody’s body has to be plundered. Nobody is attacking. If your sex scene feels like a battle, either you’re dealing with some exciting enemies-to-lovers hate sex, which can be useful for progressing relationships and characters and plots, or you’re straying close to a nonconsensual situation, and anyone describing sexual assault on page needs to proceed extremely carefully and thoughtfully.

A vagina is not something to be claimed or conquered. Using the simplest terms possible in a sex scene avoids imbalancing your characters from the start.

Sex scenes are about desire and pleasure and consent.

Romance novels are historically and primarily (and this is evolving, which is fantastic!) written by women for women. They shift the narrative away from women existing for male pleasure and the male gaze, and they position sex as something that women can find power and joy in.

We know, as humans in society, that sex is not always happy or enthusiastic or full of simultaneous orgasms. But in fiction, it can be. You, as the writer, get to decide how and why the sex scene happens, and you can choose to write a scene that empowers your characters, rather than taking their power away.

When you write a sex scene, focus on emotions and sensations rather than elaborate metaphor. Use terminology that celebrates enthusiastic female desire and consent, and your sex scene will be better for it.

Do your sex scenes need an outside perspective?

Novels with sex scenes need editors who feel comfortable working with on-page sex. You need someone who will tell you if your terminology is distracting or puts your characters in a power imbalance.

 If you’re looking for a romance editor who will give your sex scenes the time and attention they deserve, Rookwood Editing is here to help. Get in touch today to make your story the best it can be.

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